Relationships and understanding of which personality traits may find harmony together, is something that humankind has often questioned. Enneagram personality typing is one way that helps individuals and couples alike.
Today, we’ll specifically focus on the relationship between Enneagram Type 5 and 8. It’s an intriguing couple that can become a beautiful partnership, as long as both types push back a few traits. Let’s go over their relationship in more detail.
Type 5 Compatibility With Type 8
Various facets affect Enneagram Type 5 compatibility with Type 8, including the dominant wings of Fives and Eights, their integration or disintegration states, their attachment styles, and EnneaDyads.
A Walden university dissertation examined the results of 324 couples and established that men and women choose their partners differently. Interestingly, they also show compatibility with their partners differently.
Although Enneagram Type 5 compatibility with Type 8 is 47%, this score is only obtained from the core types of Fives and Eights.
Allied and Integrative may be the only categories to impact relationship success. Otherwise, success could be found in the following order
- Woman is 5 and man is 4/Man is 5 and woman is 6
- Woman is 8 and man is 7/Man is 8 and woman is 9
- Woman is 5 and man is 8/Man is 5 and woman is 7
- Woman is 8 and man is 2/Man is 8 and woman is 5
- Woman is 5 and man is 7/Man is 5 and woman is 8
- Woman is 8 and man is 5/Man is 8 and woman is 2
- Woman and man are both 5
- Woman and man are both 8
- Woman is 5 and man is 6/Man is 5 and woman is 4
- Woman is 8 and man is 9/Man is 8 and woman is 7
- Either the man or woman is 5 and their partner is 1, 2, 3, or 9
- Either the man or woman is 8 and their partner is 1, 3, 4, or 6
Anxiety and Avoidance in Attachment Styles
Considering Enneagram Type 5 compatibility with Type 8, EnneaDyads aside, most success is found in relationships where both partners show secure attachment styles. Also, “earned” secure attachments may be acquired when both partners share a growth or stress experience. Mismatched (one secure and one insecure) attachment styles follow closely, or those where EnneaDyads have an effect.
Wings, Growth, and Stress
Fives and Eights have wings in Four, Six, Seven, and Nine—all insecure attachment styles. EnneaDyads will probably impact Enneagram Type 5 compatibility with Type 8.
During integration or disintegration, the changes in personality will also impact the outcome.
What Each Type Brings to the Relationship
In a relationship between Fives and Eights, their characteristics influence Enneagram Type 5 compatibility with Type 8.
Enneagram Type 5: The Investigator
Fives might detach and, being private, they may prefer to observe events and the lives of others rather than to participate. However, some parts of Fives desire select companionable relationships. They may lack confidence, both socially and in their abilities. This may be why they prefer not to be noticed, but they usually excel in their chosen fields. Content with the status quo, they tend not to seek exciting new challenges.
Fives are usually reliable, organized, intellectual, and innovative. They dislike meeting the expectations of others, and nor do they make demands. They may not need recognition for their achievements. Generally, Fives care, albeit from a distance, about the welfare of others, as well as being accepting of others’ ideals and beliefs.
Enneagram Type 8: The Challenger
Charming, confident, and natural leaders, Eights enjoy all the pleasures of life. An inherent aversion to having people or situations control them means that they probably won’t follow procedures or the expectations of others.
Eights pursue life’s challenges and easily take up seats of power. Also, rather than defending their own viewpoints, Eights will probably just disregard those of others, including their beliefs and traditions. They’re also unlikely to hesitate in changing their opinions, and might aggressively reject those who challenge them on this.
Eights are highly protective and charitable to those close to them, as well as to the world at large. As independent, secure, and stable as they may feel, they do find pleasure in others noticing their achievements.
Enneagram Wing Contribution
Enneagram Type 5 compatibility with Type 8 will shift slightly when the dominant wings of Fives and Eights come into play.
Enneagram Type 5w4, Type 5w6, Type 8w7, and Type 8w9
When Enneagram Type 5 has their dominant wing in Four, slight personality changes will occur. This could enhance their problem-solving skills by bringing a more out-of-the-box aspect to their personalities. They may have a greater appreciation for other people and be less involved in their own thoughts. While they might not feel as settled within themselves, they will be more open to new ideas and innovations. Also, the beliefs of others will probably be of greater importance to them.
Four’s attachment style: insecure
5w6s are usually more fearful of betrayal and needier of structure than core Fives. 5w6s sometimes doubt themselves and their abilities. They may be more charitable and respectful of others’ customs.
Six’s attachment style: insecure
Eights with a Seven wing may be more inclined to seek the pleasures of life and be a little less controlling. They may reject customs and conventions and be a little less enthusiastic about the well-being of others. They may be slightly less confrontational and more willing to try new ideas.
Seven’s attachment style: insecure
When a Nine influences Eights, they will probably be more serene, calm, and less domineering. They’re more likely to go along with the suggestions of others and be more respectful of others’ beliefs. They may not feel the need to confront challenges and may be less independent in their thoughts.
Nine’s attachment style: insecure
Positives of This Pairing
The strength of Enneagram Type 5 compatibility with Type 8 may well be in how the pair co-exist.
Since Eights sincerely fear being under the control of others, Fives may seem like the perfect partners. Eights will enjoy the undemanding nature of Fives.
Fives, who would rather remain in their thoughts, can detach from others and life in general. They will probably not become involved in household decisions. This will probably be acceptable to Eights, who enjoy being decision-makers.
Some trouble spots may arise in an Enneagram Type 5 compatibility with Type 8. With Eights disregarding the opinion of their independent-minded Five partners, this could drive a wedge between the pair. Although Fives may not challenge Eights, their feelings may fester.
Eights, who enjoy spending time with their partners and organizing fun home activities, may get frustrated with Fives for their lack of participation in their home life and relationship.
Eights will probably make demands on Fives when and how they please. Fives, who detest interruptions or demands placed on them, may become irate with Eights for invading their space, time, and energy.
In Enneagram Type 5 compatibility with Type 8, Fives may be drawn to the confidence and decisiveness of Eights, while Eights may appreciate the intellect of Fives and may come to depend on their problem-solving skills.
This relationship could become a typical codependency since both partners lack what the other has. It could work well for both partners. Eights will need to allow Fives their alone time and take that time to celebrate the fun things in life.
To discover your Enneagram type, complete the Enneagram Personality Test.