Many corporations and mental healthcare providers use Enneagram personality typing since it guides individuals in both career and well-being. Many individuals also use Enneagram in their pursuit of personal development. By extension, it can help with both existing and new relationships in personal lives and the workplace.
This article explores Enneagram Type 3 compatibility with Type 9. It discusses the likelihood of success in the relationship, showing the positive aspects and the potential issues.
Type 3 Compatibility With Type 9
Several factors may have a bearing on Enneagram Type 3 compatibility with Type 9. The dominant wings of both Threes and Nines would probably have the greatest effect. Also, individuals in phases of growth or stress could integrate or disintegrate into alternative Enneagram types.
Apart from wings and growth phases, a Walden university dissertation gathered information from 324 couples and established that men and women both chose and show differing compatibility levels with partners. EnneaDyads and secure and insecure attachment styles may impact the outcome, with secure attachment styles showing the greatest success.
The reported 19% for Enneagram Type 3 compatibility with Type 9 is based on the core types of Threes and Nines.
EnneaDyads might influence relationships of insecure or mismatched attachment styles. While it’s possible that only Allied and Integrative categories alter Enneagram Type 3 compatibility with Type 9, partners may show success in the following order:
- Woman is 3 and man is 2/man is 3 and woman is 4
- Woman is 9 and man is 8/man is 9 and woman is 1
- Woman is 3 and man is 6/man is 3 and woman is 9
- Woman is 9 and man is 3/man is 9 and woman is 6
- Woman is 3 and man is 9/man is 3 and woman is 6
- Woman is 9 and man is 6/man is 9 and woman is 3
- Woman and man are both 3
- Woman and man are both 9
- Woman is 3 and man is 4/man is 3 and woman is 2
- Woman is 9 and man is 1/man is 9 and woman is 8
- Either the man or woman is 3 and their partner is 1,5,7,8
- Either the man or woman is 9 and their partner is 2,4,5,7
Anxiety and Avoidance in Attachment Styles
In Enneagram Type 3 compatibility with Type 9, Threes have a secure attachment style, as do Nines—when they have a wing of One. However, Nines with a wing of Eight will present with high anxiety and high avoidance—an insecure attachment style.
Earned secure attachment styles may also be formed in relationships where both partners share an experience of growth or stress. Once formed, earned secure attachments seem to endure.
Wings, Growth and Stress
If the dominant wing shows a secure or insecure attachment style, this may also touch Enneagram Type 3 compatibility with Type 9.
In the wings of Threes and Nines, of Two, Four, Eight, and One, only Ones show a secure attachment style.
Growth and stress (integration and disintegration) may further alter characteristics.
What Each Type Brings to the Relationship
Threes and Nines contribute their personal brand of characteristics to the mix, which may alter Enneagram Type 3 compatibility with Type 9.
Enneagram Type 3: The Achiever
Threes love to show off their exceptional results. Their fear of failure makes them competitive and driven. They inspire others to reach their own potential, and their optimism and energy make them excellent motivators. Still, they may keep their emotions at bay in pursuit of presenting the world with the perfect picture of success, in appearance and achievements.
Enneagram Type 9: The Peacemaker
Submissive yet optimistic, Nines put everything they have into coalescing their viewpoints with the ideals of others. This behavior supports their fear of loss. As outstanding mediators, they can absorb the details of others’ conflicts in an entirely nonjudgmental way. They’re honorable, composed, and love without reserve. Although they’re not particularly conscientious, they’ll ‘get the job done’. This is probably to avoid conflicts.
Enneagram Wing Contribution
To round off Enneagram Type 3 compatibility with Type 9, the wings of both Threes and Nines will play a major part in forming their personalities.
Enneagram Type 3w2, Type 3w4, Type 9w8, and Type 9w1
When the dominant wing of Threes is Two, the effect may help Threes to assess the needs of others. While Threes are already great motivators, it could add a layer of perception to their go-getter personality. A Three with a strong Two wing may be subjected to Two’s fear of rejection, along with their own fear of worthlessness. I could make them more driven to impress than ever.
Two’s attachment style: insecure
Threes with a strong Four wing may assume a creativity that may add an interesting aspect of unique comprehension into their personality. Their list of successes may include great new innovations along with an ability to ‘sell’ them to the world. The combined fears of Threes and Fours—worthlessness and falling into obscurity—may only increase their drive.
Four’s attachment style: insecure
Nines, with a dominant Eight wing, would be less likely to hide from conflicts. While it may not make them as likable as Nines may otherwise be, it would add a level of confidence and self-assurance that would benefit them. The fear of Eights, to lose their control over others, is quite opposite to what Nines fear, to lose others—another possible softening effect.
Eight’s attachment style: insecure
If the Nine in this partnership has a strong wing of One, it may be enough to push the couple into a mismatched attachment style. The hardworking and morally staunch Ones would bring a less flexible characteristic to the overly yielding Nine. The judgment-type fear of Ones contrasts with the social-type fear of Nines and may soften the effects of both.
One’s attachment style: secure
Positives of This Pairing
Neither the Threes nor Nines, of Enneagram Type 3 compatibility with Type 9, do well with confrontations. They both have an optimistic outlook and are not inclined to moodiness or anxiety. This could lead to a harmonious home life.
Sociable yet not given to chasing their own impulses, Threes could be a stable source of encouragement and motivation for Nines. This could help Nines gain confidence and a desire to accomplish something in their own right instead of constantly bending to accommodate others.
The warm, generous, committed, and accepting natures of Nines may rub off on their Three partners. With Threes’ drive, they could motivate others to support traditions, other than their own and culturally diverse populations.
As much as conflicts destroy relationships, a lack of healthy disagreements every now and then means that both have slowly given up and decided that the relationship isn’t worth fighting for. Otherwise, one or both partners are not expressing their concerns.
In the foreground, the Nines of Enneagram Type 3 compatibility with Type 9, may feel and show pride in their Three partner’s success. But Nines, on a subconscious level, may grow frustrated over allowing themselves to be used as the proverbial door-mat and may resent their Three partner taking the limelight.
In Enneagram Type 3 compatibility with Type 9, Threes may tire of their Nine partner’s indecisive nature and lack of motivation to achieve. Nines may find Threes to be insincere and obsessively materialistic.
Ultimately, both partners may regress into a workaholic state to avoid airing their woes and confronting each other.
It will be important for the couple in Enneagram Type 3 compatibility with Type 9 to open up to their partner. They should remember that discussing issues calmly does not detract from a person’s worth, nor is it likely to result in loss or separation.
Since Enneagram focuses on personal growth and the development of both wings to form a well-rounded personality, it could aid this couple.
To discover your Enneagram type, complete the Enneagram Personality Test.