Widely used, Enneagram typing is expansive in allowing for exploring personality diversity. While corporations and mental health professionals may use it most extensively, individuals may also want to establish their Enneagram Type for their own personal development.
This personal development support is one of the primary functions of the Enneagram Personality model. Others, however, may explore the merits of couple matches, for example, Enneagram Type 3 compatibility with Type 5 – a couple we’ll focus on today.
This article uncovers the relationship potential of Threes and Fives. It divulges both the wonderful aspects of the partnership and any potential difficulties.
Type 3 Compatibility With Type 5
The rating for Enneagram Type 3 compatibility with Type 5 is neither high nor excessively low. Still, wings—the Enneagram types to either side of the dominant type—may have a significant impact on the score. The score may be further influenced when a partner is in a phase of development (growth or integration), or stress (disintegration).
With a rating of 40%, Enneagram Type 3 compatibility with Type 5 may seem dismal. However, data was obtained from 324 couples for a Walden university dissertation that examined the effect of EnneaDyads and secure or insecure attachment styles.
The theory is that EnneaDyads may not impact relationships of secure attachment styles. However, EnneaDyads may affect insecure and mismatched attachment styles—one secure and one insecure. It is also possible that only Allied and Integrative EnneaDyad categories may have any effect. Alternatively, relationship success may be found in the following order:
- Woman is 3 and man is 2/Man is 3 and woman is 4
- Woman is 5 and man is 4/Man is 5 and woman is 6
- Woman is 3 and man is 6/Man is 3 and woman is 9
- Woman is 5 and man is 8/Man is 5 and woman is 7
- Woman is 3 and man is 9/Man is 3 and woman is 6
- Woman is 5 and man is 7/Man is 5 and woman is 8
- Woman and man are both 3
- Woman and man are both 5
- Woman is 3 and man is 4/Man is 3 and woman is 2
- Woman is 5 and man is 6/Man is 5 and woman is 4
- Either the man or woman is 3 and their partner is 1,5,7, or 8
- Either the man or woman is 5 and their partner is 1,2,3, or 9
Anxiety and Avoidance in Attachment Styles
When secure attachment styles are present in both partners, higher success is achieved. However, earned secure attachments may develop within certain relationships. This often depends on personality traits inherited from wings, or during integration or disintegration of partners. The dyadic effect comes about when one or both partners show insecure attachment styles.
In Enneagram Type 3 compatibility with Type 5, Threes show a secure attachment style, as they have low anxiety and low avoidance. Fives, however, exhibit low anxiety and high avoidance—an insecure attachment style.
Wings, Growth, and Stress
The wings of Enneagram Type 3 Compatibility With Type 5—Twos, Fours, and Sixes—all show insecure attachment styles.
Also, during integration or disintegration (growth or stress), further characteristic alterations may be noted.
- Threes integrate to Six—insecure
- Fives integrate to Eight—insecure
- Threes disintegrate to Nine—insecure
- Fives disintegrate to Seven-secure
What Each Type Brings to the Relationship
Enneagram personality types allow for variations in personality from the dominant type. In Enneagram Type 3 compatibility with Type 5, Threes and Fives each bring their own unique set of characteristics.
Enneagram Type 3: The Achiever
Competitive, energetic, and confident, Threes strive to achieve in all aspects of their lives. They aim to present their environment and themselves as aesthetically pleasing. They’re adaptable and excellent at motivating others to find their own success.
Enneagram Type 5: The Investigator
Self-sufficient knowledge collectors, Fives desire the independence to discover new things. Armed with their skills in logic, they may scrutinize a plethora of possibilities. Gentle and sensitive, these private types may seem detached. They especially dislike interruptions when processing their many thoughts.
Enneagram Wing Contribution
When powerful wings affect the dominant personalities, the alterations may change the outcome in Enneagram Type 3 compatibility with Type 5.
Enneagram Type 3w2, Type 3w4, Type 5w4, and Type 5w6
Twos take comfort in knowing that they’ve correctly identified and satisfied the needs of others. In compensation, they crave acknowledgement and appreciation for their kindness.
Twos’ attachment style: insecure.
With their tendency toward being unique, Fours may be as creative as Fives, or even more so. However, they can be withdrawn and sincerely doubt their abilities. As romantics, they believe that everyone has found their perfect connection, bar themselves. This belief can result in envy.
Fours’ attachment style: insecure.
Sixes may lean toward the pessimistic side of the Enneagram. They’re loyal and friendly, but may fear rejection, and their insecurities may cause them to desire reassurance. Because they tend to imagine the worst, they’re always prepared when crises or conflicts arise.
Sixes’ attachment style: insecure.
Positives of This Pairing
Despite the low score in Enneagram Type 3 compatibility with Type 5, this couple still shows potential as a possible complementary relationship.
Threes, with their confidence and motivational skills, could help Fives gain a greater sense of self-worth. Especially as they’ll probably proudly show off their partner’s intellect and may commend them publicly.
Down-to-earth Fives are not usually showy in themselves or their environment. They might teach Threes to take a little less interest in material appearances.
Threes enjoy being in the public eye, and Fives will be more than willing to let them take that role, especially if it takes the focus off them.
Since they’re both innately calm, they may escape overly emotional arguments.
While most people see the world from the inside, looking out, Fives see the world from the outside, looking in. Threes will recognize these qualities and may usurp them for their own gain—especially if others see it as a success.
Since Fives may not enjoy being in the limelight, they may fall into Threes’ shadows. Fives’ natural independence may repel this, seeing it as an invasion of their intellect. Fives may fantasize about publicly humiliating their Three partners.
However, they will only do this behind closed doors, where they may take it up as an intellectual argument. This could make Threes feel like failures, and they could grow depressed.
Communicative and gregarious, Threes may grow frustrated with their Five partners, who may avoid socializing. This could result in the two partners in Enneagram Type 3 Compatibility With Type 5 leading separate lives and ultimately, growing apart.
As a couple, in Enneagram Type 3 compatibility with Type 5, Threes and Fives could make quite the team. Fives may observe and analyze, while Threes may structure the results for communication with others.
Both partners would need to find a compromise. Fives could learn to openly and calmly discuss their concerns, while Threes might try to structure theirs. Threes might pay attention to the latest findings of Fives, and Fives should try to commend Threes publicly for their achievements.
To discover your Enneagram type, complete the Enneagram Personality Test.