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Compatibility of Enneagram Type 3 with Type 4: Achieving One-Of-A-Kind Love

For many years, mental health professionals and corporations alike have used Enneagram personality typing to determine specific traits of individuals. The results of this test are used in both business and personal lives to determine career choices, whether a potential employee will be a good fit, and in relationships.

The goal of this article is to supply details about Enneagram Type 3 compatibility with Type 4. This includes an outline of their complementary characteristics and issues that may arise.

Before we get to Threes and Fours, remember that the focus of the Enneagram system is on personal development. Therefore, with the right mindset and self-motivation, any couple can make things work out for them. Let’s begin!

Type 3 Compatibility With Type 4

While Enneagram Type 3 compatibility with Type 4 is not especially high, various elements may impact the ultimate score. Wings would probably have the greatest influence, depending on how forcibly they emerge. Additionally, during phases of personal development or stress, Enneagram types integrate or disintegrate into alternative types. All these changes may impact the overall relationship in Enneagram Type 3 compatibility with Type 4.

Compatibility Score

At 34%, the baseline score in Enneagram Type 3 compatibility with Type 4 is relatively low. However, it’s essential to mention that this Walden university dissertation used the results taken from 324 couples, in a study of EnneaDyads and secure or insecure attachment styles.


In EnneaDyads, the most notably affected are those with mismatched or insecure attachment styles. While the following order depicts the success of a relationship, some believe that only the Allied and Integrative categories have any effect.

  • Ally
    • Woman is 3 and man is 2/man is 3 and woman is 4
    • Woman is 4 and man is 3/man is 4 and woman is 5
  • Disintegrative
    • Woman is 3 and man is 6/man is 3 and woman is 9
    • Woman is 4 and man is 1/man is 4 and woman is 2
  • Integrative
    • Woman is 3 and man is 9/man is 3 and woman is 6
    • Woman is 4 and man is 2/man is 4 and woman is 1
  • Matching
    • Woman and man are both 3
    • Woman and man are both 4
  • Shadow
    • Woman is 3 and man is 4/man is 3 and woman is 2
    • Woman is 4 and man is 5/man is 4 and woman is 3
  • Non-related
    • Either the man or woman is 3 and their partner is 1,5,7,8
    • Either the man or woman is 4 and their partner is 6,7,8,9

Anxiety and Avoidance in Attachment Styles

Attachment styles may be secure or insecure, and most relationship success occurs when both parties have secure or, following closely mismatched attachment styles. Earned secure attachments arise and endure in relationships where partners may have insecure attachments, but either through integration, disintegration, or unknown traits, they develop secure attachments. The dyadic effect plays the biggest role in those with insecure or mismatched attachment styles.

Threes, with low anxiety and low avoidance, have secure attachment styles. And Fours exhibit high anxiety and low avoidance—an insecure attachment style.

Wings, Growth and Stress

The wings of Fours and Threes may merge many of their traits if Three’s wing is Four and Four’s wing is Three. When in a relationship, this may be beneficial. They could, however, go the other way, where Three’s wing is Two, and Four’s wing is Five. While this may not be harmful in any way to their relationship, it will bring in additional characteristics.

Integration and disintegration (growth and stress) may also cause changes in personality. These, too, could influence the outcome of Enneagram Type 3 compatibility with Type 4.

  • Threes integrate to Six—insecure
  • Fours integrate to One—secure
  • Threes disintegrate to Nine-insecure with a wing of Eight, secure with a wing of One.
  • Fours disintegrate to Two-insecure

What Each Type Brings to the Relationship

What makes individuals unique, and could influence Enneagram Type 3 compatibility with Type 4, are the characteristics that may leak in from other sources.

Enneagram Type 3: The Achiever

Highly motivated, with a need to be recognized for their achievements, Threes may be inclined to overlook their partner’s contribution to their relationship, especially if it’s successful. They’ll probably expect their partner to join them in presenting the world with a perfect couple—whether accurate or not.

Enneagram Type 4: The Individualist

Fours lean toward being slightly over-sensitive but thrive on creating and developing unique hypotheses and projects. They enjoy it when others observe and acknowledge these concepts and their impeccable sense of style. They are, however, insecure in their abilities and could therefore descend into moodiness.

Enneagram Wing Contribution

In determining Enneagram Type 3 compatibility with Type 4, the unique traits which may emerge usually come from each individual’s wings.

Enneagram Type 3w2, Type 3w4, Type 4w3, and Type 4w5

Twos take courage from looking to a powerful leader and accurately defining their needs, then actioning those needs. In return, they seek acknowledgment, appreciation, and reassurance from their superiors.

Two’s attachment style: secure.

See above.

Three’s attachment style: secure.

See above.

Four’s attachment style: insecure.

Fives crave a sense of being independent of the world at large, though they will appreciate acknowledgment, more for their intellect than their efforts. They’re highly inquisitive and innovative but may isolate themselves from others, and they dislike interruptions.

Five’s attachment style: insecure.

Positives of This Pairing

With the innate ability of Threes to motivate and encourage, they could help energize Fours into suppressing their perpetual self-doubts while giving them the practical mental tools they may need to strive for their dreams.

While Threes may restrain their emotions, Fours confront theirs—sometimes intensely. A balance between these two may be reached, as Threes will probably remain calm, thus helping Fours to express their emotions without throwing their toys out of the cot. A spin-off may be that Threes will possibly delve into their own emotions and more openly share them.

Charming and gregarious, Threes could draw Fours out of their shell. Also, Threes may see potential in the unique approaches and ideas of Fours. This could gain the respect and admiration of Threes, who are always on the lookout for improving outcomes.

Potential Issues

If Threes and Fours are in a relationship, Fours may occasionally be prone to reacting emotionally. If Threes see this as incompetence—a way for Fours to evade the responsibility of achieving their goals—they may become overly critical. Since Fours are highly sensitive to criticism, they’ll turn moody and fickle as their insecurities escalate.

Also, since Threes are driven and motivated to present amazing results, and need recognition for this, they could use the innovative ideas of Fours for their own gain. While the insecurities of Fours may prevent them from confronting Threes over this, they’ll begin to harbor resentments.

These issues could lead to the onset of a downward spiral, and it may be difficult for this couple to pull themselves back to the surface and recover their relationship.


In Enneagram Type 3 compatibility with Type 4, Threes and Fours can both be competitive in their own ways—Threes in receiving acknowledgment for their achievements, and Fours in being appreciated for their unique skills.

Discussing their issues calmly while still expressing the emotional side of their concerns, may greatly benefit this couple.

Although Enneagram Type 3 compatibility with Type 4 may present issues, if a Three has a strong Four wing and vice versa, this may significantly help them communicate on a more even playing field.

To discover your Enneagram type, complete the Enneagram Personality Test.